it is a harry potter fanfic from like 2009, 160k words, 50 chapters
basically, adult Harry accidentally goes back in time and wakes up on his 11th birthday again, but with all his memories of the future intact
(the way he travels back makes no sense whatsoever but it doesn’t really matter)
harry decides upon 3 goals:
fuck up as much shit as possible
make a shitload of money
save some lives or whatever
it is
H I L A R I O U S
his go-to explanation for how he knows what’s going to happen?
he has a psychic scar
(hermione is SO PISSED about this)
(neville’s like “either he’s psychic, or he’s the greatest conman alive”)
everyone just sort of assumes harry’s insane and he doesn’t do much to dispute this
harry also decides to make it his mission in life to LOSE the house cup every year
“snape is my sole ally”
he also goes out of his way to befriend neville, ginny, and luna earlier this time, so they’re part of the gang throughout and it’s great
even draco is a friend!
(kind of)
(when harry’s not spreading a rumor that draco’s the lovechild of narcissa and snape, anyway)
harry’s motivation for everything he does in this story is basically, “oh, this will be hilarious”
either that or, “it’s probably a tax deductible”
because the way lockhart is written in this story is also amazing and harry ends up teaming up with him to merchandise The Boy Who Lived so he can have cash to burn
(so he gets a LOT of shit done via bribes)
it gets to the point where harry is able to convince everyone that he’s not the heir of slytherin…. because if he was, he’d have found a way to make money off of it
and everyone’s like “yeah ok that checks out”
in this timeline, neville’s boggart isn’t snape…. it’s harry as the minister of magic
harry also decides to make sure cedric lives by quizzing him constantly on what to do if he ends up in a graveyard
harry: by the way, that reminds me – cedric. graveyard.
cedric, not even really listening: run like hell.
the sheer magnitude to which harry does not give a fuck in this timeline is truly awe-inspiring
he mouths off to everyone, and i mean everyone. lockhart, snape, the dursleys, malfoy, friggin’ voldemort
everyone is like “what… what the fuck, harry”
(though by the end of first year it’s more like “… *deep sigh* … fine.
snape is so angry
it’s fucking hysterical and just about everyone ends up better off
okay this is from my au where the 3 of these kids realize Konoha is corrupt a lot sooner. Naruto and Sakura also communicate with Sasuke better and are able to provide a better support system, thus stopping him from being manipulated into leaving the village with Orochimaru. The three of them run away from Konoha and train on their own and travel, meeting and learning from all sorts of new people. They become the next new 3 legendary sanin ame trio style and overthrow the corrupt system
found a phony news outlet saying that a goth proposed adding a black stripe to the pride flag to “represent goths” when thats literally…the victory over AIDS flag……….
if you see anyone on here or otherwise trying to make fun by saying goths are trying to push a flag with this pattern for goth inclusion:
that’s bogus. it represents victory over AIDS. just be aware
Yeah well perhaps they should have figured out what a border is first. Because their parents broke the law by Crossing ours and better than spend the time in these facilities than a prison with grown adults who made the human traffickers not even their parents
Actually, let me enlighten you.
These people in detention have not committed a crime. – I don’t mean that in a moral or a figurative sense. I mean literally. It is NOT a crime to ask for asylum. – These people didn’t jump a fence, they didn’t sneak into the backyard. They are knocking on the front door and saying “People are trying to kill me in my home country, will you let me in?” – Now, I didn’t fall off the turnip truck. Some of these people are lying. That’s why you have a hearing. And because they might wander off, these people are held in detention until the hearing. – This hearing is NOT in a criminal court. It’s in an immigration court. Because these people have not committed a crime. – Immigration court is not like criminal court. You don’t have a right to an attorney. – So these people are waiting around, separated from their children, with no attorney, until they get a hearing. – In 2015, the median wait for an immigration hearing was 404 days. – Here’s where it gets even more twisted. If people plead guilty to asylum fraud, they get their kids back and get deported. – So these people knock on the front door, which is perfectly legal, and we take their kids, and tell them the quickest way to get the kids back is to confess to fraud. – If someone committed a crime (ie. shoplifting, armed robbery, murder) and you took their kids away to make them confess, that confession would be thrown out. – But these confessions are lawful, because this isn’t criminal court. – Because these people haven’t committed a crime. – Now some people think that if we make it so unpleasant for these people, they will stop trying to cross the border. – But the message this sends isn’t “Go Home.” The message it sends is “Sneak in.” – If they go home, they think they will be murdered. If they request asylum, they are separated from their children. – If they sneak in successfully, they’re safe. If they sneak in and get caught, they are no worse off than if they sought asylum legally. – And remember, these people haven’t committed a crime.
SliceOSunshine 