The real reason it’s a fucking travesty Peter Parker is “straight” is that he would have a fucking field day making gay jokes. Imagine Spiderman wit mixed with millennial gay humour. He’d be unstoppable
This post is pissing people off so I’m gonna add to it:
*villain du jour flirts with Spiderman* woah! I know I swing both ways, but your way isn’t one of em
***
Intellectual™ white supremacist: and when I’m done the entire world will be one homogeneous society-
Spidey: buddy the only homo-genius here is me step off
***
Villain: *gestures to the eyesore that is the Spiderman suit* what kind of fashion is this
Spidey, a gay, knowing that all his villains commit crime in their fursuits: fucking respectable is what it is
***
Villain, talking about the plague that is vigilantes: your way of life disgusts me
Spidey, with narrowed eyes: is this homophobia or arachnophobia
y’all: peter was able to stop bucky’s fist in civil war bc bucky heard peter’s voice, realized he was a child, then weakened his punch bc he was so worried about hurting a child uwu
me, eating pistachios: y’all know peter can canonically lift up to 75 tons, right. y’all know bucky’s fist is easy as hell for peter to block, right. y’all know bucky didn’t know shit about peter being a child and was just shocked that someone was able to so easily block his punch, right. y’all know that, right.
naw fuck that bucky’s punches aren’t easy to block, it’s WAY funnier if peter blocked a full force punch from bucky, who only a few seconds later realizes he’s a kid as soon as peter opens his mouth
that’s the face of a man who went from “holy shit he blocked my punch?” to “holY SHiT a 12 YEARoLD BLOCKED mY PUNCH???” in 3 seconds flat.
have you ever thought about how in the versions of the spider-man canon where Peter’s web shooting is accomplished by technology rather than being an actual superpower that means he really just….could have…very easily not done that. like he could have had any weapon. he could have had weapons he didn’t have to invent himself and build from scratch. but they wouldn’t have been spider-themed so he just. he did that. for the Aesthetic.
Peter saw he got bit by a spider and decided to die on that rock
You forgot the best part, because he gave him that burger Owen makes sure to bring Miles’ mom (who had died in his own series several years prior) back to life in the new universe. I’m not kidding.
That is the absolute best bullshit comic book resurrection I have ever heard of.
how many cuils is “you give me a hamburger. i give you your mother.”?
SliceOSunshine 